I am freaking out.
I suppose this freak-out has been in the making for the past few months. I would date it back to when I last walked out of the halls of Innova JC into what I perceived was freedom but was in reality just another humdrum life. We all had such grand plans for our post-A Levels period but I'm quite sure most of us spent it either working or lazing around at home. The list of adventures we all wrote is in one corner, collecting dust.
And then, before we knew it, the day of reckoning was announced. 1st March.
As I sit here writing this, my mind is a flurry of thoughts, mostly negative. Mostly doubts, mostly questions of inadequacy. What if my results aren't good enough for a local university? What if my results are good enough for a local university but not good enough for the course I want? What if my results are good enough for everything but just not good enough for everyone? Most of the pressure I'm feeling right now isn't as much the actual grades on paper as the thought of disappointing everyone who believes in me. I feel quite terrible, to be honest. This emotional stress has culminated into physical stomachaches and insomnia. People who know me know that I'm generally not a worrywart when it comes to studies, so when I start being worried, it must mean this is a big deal.
Isn't it, though? We have all heard the horror stories of people who failed. We all jokingly make comments about a future career path in fast food establishments if our grades were not good enough. And although we laugh when someone says it, I think we all, deep down, fear that it may one day be our reality. I'm not saying that anyone working in a fast-food establishment is a failure, because I'm quite sure they aren't, but there is that stereotype which has been drummed into our heads for years at end. In Singapore, if we do badly in our studies, that's pretty much it for us. We're doomed to a life of poverty and misery. This is why tuition centres flourish in our kiasu society, this is why our syllabus is getting progressively harder (and I'm not quite sure if reviewing the syllabus will change that). But is it really the end?
Frankly? I think not. I don't want to paint a beautiful, positive picture where every single one of us ends up happy and successful, but I'm pretty damn sure that if our grades on Friday aren't the best, it isn't the end of the world. I would love to post cliche examples of successful people who dropped out of high school, who didn't go to university, but we've all heard them, and we've all walked away thinking, "Yeah, that's like 1 in ten thousand." I strongly, strongly believe that life is what we make of it. I'm not religious, so I'm not going to tell anyone that this is the path that God planned for them or whatnot. However, I'd like to think that when one door closes, another one opens. And if all the damn doors don't open, then find a window. I'm sure that there will be one, because if you look hard enough, if you work hard enough, there is always one.
So, to all my fellow A level graduates who are receiving their results on Friday, I know a lot of you are worried. I know that a lot of you doubt yourself, I know that a lot of you are preparing for the worst. I'd just like to say that if when you hold that certificate in your hand and your grades aren't what you wanted, it's alright to cry, mope, despair. But at the end of the day, it's up to you to turn that failure into a success. And if you worked really hard but fell short, know that if you continue working hard, it will pay off someday. The internet wasn't invented overnight, and it took Alexander Graham Bell 6 years to make the telephone. If you didn't work as hard as you should've (that would be me), then make damn sure that whatever path you choose to embark on after this is one that we will be committed to. And of course, if you worked hard and you did well, then congratulations because you definitely deserved it.
Most importantly though, follow your passion. I know people who have bowed to parental pressure, peer pressure, societal pressure, and embarked on journeys which ultimately led to despondence. A lot of us seek approval from the people around us because we feel inadequate and because we feel as though the choices we make aren't good enough. Well, believe in yourself, believe in what you want, and even if people don't agree with it, go ahead and pursue it anyway. We're all young and we're all bound to screw up, so don't be too tough on yourself. Go out there and create your own destiny.
Good luck, guys, and I hope that life works out for everyone of us. And maybe the tiny idealist in me is talking, but I'm sure somehow, it will. :)
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